my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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