Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
