And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
