Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
