when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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