i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
