Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
