Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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