Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
