its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
