I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
