Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize