What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
