He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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