dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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