Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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