the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
