she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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