look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
