Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
