I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
