dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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