I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
