i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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