I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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