Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
