i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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