Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
