You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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