A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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