Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.

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(917): View more from New York City

My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.

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(503): View more from Oregon

my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.

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(949): View more from California

I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that

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(914): View more from New York

my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.

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(802): View more from Vermont

lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I could fuck to npr.

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(317): View more from Indiana

We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace

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