Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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