When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Green mimosas i think yes
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
