Sponge bath it is.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
