ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
