walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
