The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
