Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
