so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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