so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
