Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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