This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
