I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
