You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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