I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
