Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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