If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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