they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
