dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So vagazzling was a success
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
