I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
