hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
