Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize