Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
