He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
where are my eyebrows?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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