I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You pole danced in your parka.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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