Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
