Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize