so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
