there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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