I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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