i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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