apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
