Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
