You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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