I want to have your abortion
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
