I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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