Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
