I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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