If that was your dad, he is hot
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
