i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
